As I spend quiet time alone, and trying to figure out my life. I can pretty much see where I went wrong. I been trying to rush everything in my life. I see people in such a wonderful place or relationship with God,and I’m thinking wow, I want my relationship to be like that, then as I begin to spend more time with myself and alone time with God. I realize that I have to develop my own relationship with God,and in my own way. That is something, that’s not going to happen over night, and really, Why am I trying to rush it anyway? God is not going anywhere, he is right where I am.
It brings me to tears, just writing about it, because I love him so much, and I really appreciate him for being with me at all times. God never leaves us, we leave him all the time. Once, I remember that, and I think about it, I start praying to him, and I will remember to do it at all times.
I look around and I see a lot of people doing such awesome things with their lives, and I say to myself…I want to do awesome things too, so I go and I come up with these ideas, plans, and setting goals on how I can make them happen, only to really ask myself later, Is this really what God want for me?
It have gotten to the point of me getting headaches, and being depressed. Some of the things that I’ve written down, have never really happen, I’ll stop and say….Is this really what I want to do or Is this what I was born to do?
I was feeling like I had to rush into something, just to show people, that I’m doing something as well.
I just figured that out today, as I spent time driving alone, while going to pick up my son from work. I cried, I’ve talked to God, and drove in peace. I’ve decided that I am doing something, I’m a mother who just recently decided to home-school my two boys, I’m a writer who loves to write, and have always wanted to write a book, but haven’t really got started, because I wanted to really be saying something, and I wanted my writing and/or my story to mean something and also be able to help someone. I found my story, and now I’m starting to write it. Along with writing my first book, and from already having an idea to start an organization, which goes well with what I’m writing about, I’m starting to feel pretty good about this.
I’m in prayer with God about all of this, and I’m going to continue on with this journey, and I believe that this is something that God desire of me. Why? Because to me, it just feel right, and at this moment, I don’t feel like I have to rush into doing it. I want it to be right, and I must take my time with this, and I must believe that I am doing something, and it doesn’t have to be for show and tell. I’m just going to take it easy, and enjoy this process. Feel free to come back and witness this for yourself, I’m going to make it happen!
Until next time my friends,
Peace, Love, & Blessings